May 2012
4 posts
2 tags
dear sweet mother of god, judge judy launched an... →
episode 1 is on living together and is basically the exact same advice my dad gave me on moving in with boyfriendunit. i mayormaynot will absolutely make all of my life decisions from this point out based on what she says. <3 you, judy.
poor guy finally lost his grip and fell, after several close saves and then 30 seconds of swinging by his back foot from the ledge.
dear squirrel currently dying in our awning,
thanks for choosing the space between the plastic sheeting and the actual awning to spend your last few hours. please stay there and don’t crawl in the wall to finally die.
sorry for poking you with a stick to see if you were dead yet.
xoxo,
byrneunit
April 2012
3 posts
3 tags
March 2012
15 posts
why did i decide to engage a prolifer on facebook?? WHY?? it’s not like it’s going to go anywhere before i have a rage stroke and they think quoting the bible at me means they won.
i’ll just be over here hyperventilating into the bag my Sluttyslutpills (TM) came in.
“So, while it’s a fact that a Romney-Santorum, or ha ha Santorum-Romney...”
– Melissa McEwan, killing it over at Shakesville
dear boy i had a crush on in first grade who moved...
thanks for being google-able and providing a much needed thursday afternoon diversion. you turned out the only way you possibly could have—a long-haired creative type that i outweigh by easily 60lbs.
it’s reassuring to realize that my type hasn’t changed since i was 7.
International Slutty Women's Day: A Story in GIFs →
jessicavalenti:
Brilliance from Ann Friedman. My favorite gif from her post (though there are so many to choose from!):
so good.
Sitting in the airport bar, watching the 5th element. Clearly the best airport bar in existence. Thanks, long beach!
seriously, a duck watched me eat huevos rancheros this morning.
February 2012
5 posts
Boyfriendunit, as I walked in the door this...
“The heating pad is pre-warmed, I laid out your pajamas, there’s an episode of adventure time waiting and this steak has been marinating since 3. Here’s a beer. Relax.”
This, friends, is how you make a shitty cramp filled day better.
(He also keeps bringing me cheese in bed.)
1 tag
While cuntboss has happily been filed in the Archive folder of my life (yeah I just typed that), there’s a new contender in town: Coworker’s Boyfriend with Dead Eyes Who I’m 99% Sure Is Going To Kill My Boss, Then Her (And Probably the Rest of Us for Knowing About It).
Working on better names for all parties involved, if I’m not dead before then.
January 2012
10 posts
4 tags
I'm fairly certain one of my elderly neighbors is...
…because there are flies in mine. For the first time ever in 3 years. For no discernable reason (i.e. not the trash, not the cat’s litterbox, not the chinchilla’s cage, there is an acceptable level of cleanliness and certainly no more grime than usual). There are about 10 flies chilling in various parts of the apartment and every time I kill one, I see 2 more.
No smells yet but...
After a date rape (by a "poet") during a trip to... →
motherjones:
“The Way It Was”: Abortion in the US before Roe v. Wade.
this article is so good.
In the same book, a man who assisted in autopsies in a big urban hospital, starting in the mid-1950s, describes the many deaths from botched abortions that he saw. “The deaths stopped overnight in 1973.” He never saw another in the 18 years before he retired. “That,” he...
that feeling when the cashier at the deli and the...
apparently greasy hair and chapped lips are a good look for me.
Should The Times Be A Truth Vigilante? →
hallekiefer:
soupsoup:
I hope this is a joke. The New York Times Public Editor wonders aloud if their journalists should be reporting the truth.
Seriously?
“I’m looking for reader input on whether and when New York Times news reporters should challenge “facts” that are asserted by newsmakers they write about.”
Oh my god, this is embarrassing. This is like if your office was preparing the...
schadenfreude tuesday
operationfailure:
byrneunit:
nothing like hearing that the-hateface-formerly-known-as-cuntboss is knocked up, had a shotgun wedding to a dude who is going to be on a submarine for the foreseeable future, and quit the job that gave her an inflated sense of importance to move back in with her parents across the country.
i feel so good about my life choices right now.
I miss your stories about...
3 tags
schadenfreude tuesday
nothing like hearing that the-hateface-formerly-known-as-cuntboss is knocked up, had a shotgun wedding to a dude who is going to be on a submarine for the foreseeable future, and quit the job that gave her an inflated sense of importance to move back in with her parents across the country.
i feel so good about my life choices right now.
1 tag
it was inevitable
boyfriendunit: Well the day has finally arrived
me: ...?
boyfriendunit: Your mother wants to friend me on facebook
December 2011
4 posts
3 tags
nothing like 8 hours of vertigo to mark the mid-week!
while i was initially sad to be staying in NYC for the holidays instead of being with my parents and sister, seeing my 92 yr old grandpa—veteran of multiple wars and general badass motherfucker—cover up tears yesterday by pretending to be napping after opening gifts with my aunts & grandma… any regrets completely blown away.
November 2011
10 posts
1 tag
subjecting my one present coworker to a day of joy division, the cramps, amanda palmer and joni mitchell as revenge for making me listen to shitty pop mixes every other day of the year.
why don’t i ever learn to stop eating BEFORE i want to die?
2 tags
beautiful sunny fall morning, sitting in a diner stuffing a bacon omelet in my face, listening to a jewish reggae band (i don’t even) and watching the crazy parade of fitness that is the ny marathon go by the window: never have i felt so satisfied with my decision to be a lazy fatass for life.
learning new skills out of spite
you hear that, presumably drunk asshole who kicked the passenger side mirror off of my car? that’s the sound of me gleefully buying a set of socket wrenches and a new mirror and learning how to replace it myself.
